I'm Batman.

As some of you may know, my Disc 2 of LAW & ORDER: CRIMINAL INTENT Season 3 tragically went missing around the time I was painting my living room. It was my assumption that in the chaos I’d accidentally chucked it. It took me months to come to grips with my carelessness. I even questioned whether I was fit to own DVDs at all.

But I lost another DVD tonight! No, not even I could be so thoughtless and irresponsible.

Chin in hand, I stared at the DVD player from across the room. I allowed my mind to free itself of its Earthly confinement and consider all possibilities. Could I have thrown both discs away? Could a childhood enemy have climbed into the window and stolen them? Could I have fallen asleep and woken up in a different persona and stolen them from myself?

Then it hit me.

I leapt out of my seat, ripped all the cords out of the back of the player, pulled it from the entertainment center and set it down on the coffee table. A few moments and some loosened screws later, I had solved the Mystery of the Missing DVDs.

This piece of shit DVD player is designed in such a way that the discs will sort of fall into the spaces between the mechanisms if not placed EXACTLY where they need to be, or if the player is moved when the discs are still inside. The LAW & ORDER DVD got lost in the machine when I had finished painting and moved the player into the entertainment center, where it has remained all these months. Secret and hidden. My precious….

Most gloriously, Eric Prydz’s shamelessly optimistic “Call On Me” (of which the video has brought me great strength and inspiration during this difficult time) underscored the entire affair, and I can’t imagine a better victory anthem.